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This is the transcript for Android Date-Teen, the third episode of Dragon ShortZ.


(Dragon Shortz Intro. Cut to an outside view of L'Anus Serré.)

ANDROID 18: So... oh my, this is the first time I've ever gone on a date with someone after banging them.

(Cut to inside the restaurant. Android 18 and Krillin are seated at a table)

KRILLIN: (laughs) Well, last time I went on a date, I, uh... (sotto voice) definitely got screwed afterwards.

ANDROID 18: Oof. Sounds rough.

KRILLIN: Yeah, well, if I've learned anything in life, it's that you take the good with the bad. I'm just glad I could take you out tonight. You wouldn't believe it, but I've actually had this reservation for... a while?

ANDROID 18: Place seems pretty upscale. Don't tell me... four dollar signs on Yelp?

KRILLIN: Yep. And I budgeted for the menu. I have exactly enough for two drinks, two entrees, and either an appetizer or dessert.

ANDROID 18: Hey, don't sweat your bank account man. I'm mad liquid.

KRILLIN: Seriously?

ANDROID 18: (laughs) No! When Dr. Gero kidnapped me, I had sixteen hundred zeni, a joint, and a Spencer's gift card in my wallet.

KRILLIN: Oh my god!

ANDROID 18: Oh, shit, was that oversharing?

KRILLIN: No! I'm just sorry that happened to you.

ANDROID 18: Hey, if it never did, I wouldn't have met you. Also, I wouldn't be able to bench press a literal building, so... good with the bad.

(The waiter, Samuel, walks up)

SAMUEL: Good evening. I'm Samuel, and I'll be your server for tonight. (puts a menu on the table) Here's the drink menu, and let me start you off with some water. Sparkling or still?

ANDROID 18: I'll take sparkling.

KRILLIN: Ooh, sparkling. I'll take--

SAMUEL: (interrupting Krillin) Wonderful! I'll be back soon. In the meantime, definitely take a look at those appetizers. I suggest the clams. They go down smooth. (walks away)

KRILLIN: I was never into clams myself.

ANDROID 18: You definitely don't seem like a shellfish guy.

KRILLIN: ...Was that a pun?

ANDROID 18: No, you're right, you do look like a shrimp.

KRILLIN: Oh my god!

ANDROID 18: Sorry, but it was right there.

KRILLIN: Honestly, I was not expecting this sense of humor.

ANDROID 18: Why, 'cause I'm a half-robot?

KRILLIN: No, because you're a skinny blonde!

ANDROID 18: Oh, damn!

KRILLIN: Oh, yeah, being half-Terminator definitely played a part.

ANDROID 18: Well then, how about when we get back to the house, I'll make you my... Sarah Connor?

KRILLIN: That is, uh... oddly arousing.

ANDROID 18: I thought about saying "John Connor," but--

KRILLIN: Right? No.

ANDROID 18: Oh yeah.

(Samuel returns)

SAMUEL: Hey, there. Have we had a chance to look at the menu?

KRILLIN: Oh, maybe we should do dessert over apps. 'cause this white chocolate souffle sounds amazing!

(Krillin continues to talk offscreen as Samuel turns his attention to Android 18.)

SAMUEL: You know, we actually have a special today: tornado rossini on dried fruit brioche with Madero wine sauce, (flips out a piece of paper, which she puts in front of 18) and my number.

KRILLIN: --and we already have white chocolate, and it's called "vanilla"! (lowers the menu and sees what's going on) Um... something happening--?

ANDROID 18: Just a sec. (to Samuel) So, you serious?

SAMUEL: Dead serious. I get off at ten, and then I can get you off at 10:30.

KRILLIN: What is he--?

ANDROID 18: (stands up) Alright, Sammy, three things. First, you wouldn't make it past 10:05. Second, you wouldn't live past 10:06. Third, we're still waiting on our waters. So if you value your job and/or life, you're gonna take this knife, (picks up a knife and holds it to Samuel's throat) cut the bullshit, and get us our goddamn Pallegrino.

KRILLIN: Holy sh--

SAMUEL: (pulls back) Okay, fine! Could have just said "no." God, don't need to be a monster bitch about it.

KRILLIN: (angry) Excuse you? (stands up) I'm going to give you five seconds to apologize for what you just said.

SAMUEL: Or what, midget? You gonna headbutt me in my junk?

(Krillin raises a fist, then swings it down gently, completely smashing the table)

KRILLIN: Apologize.

SAMUEL: (stammers in fear) I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry! Please don't hurt me!

KRILLIN: Oh, um... (hands Samuel a handful of zeni) For the table.

ANDROID 18: And here's your 20%, dickhead! (throws her Spencer's gift card at Samuel)

(Android 18 and Krillin walk out of the restaurant)

SAMUEL: (weakly) This is expired.

(Cut to outside the restaurant. Android 18 is smoking her joint.)

KRILLIN: I am so sorry for that.

ANDROID 18: Don't apologize for him, or at all. That was amazing. (offers him the joint)

KRILLIN: I'm good on that. You know, there's a burger place not even a mile away from here. Cheap. Friendly.

ANDROID 18: Christ on a sesame bun, I could go full Terminator on a cheeseburger right now. (flicks away the joint) Let's do it.

KRILLIN: Oh wait, crap! I just gave all my money away for that table.

ANDROID 18: Don't worry. My treat.

(Cut to inside the burger restaurant. Krillin and Android 18 are eating their burgers)

KRILLIN: So... you need food to survive? Er...

ANDROID 18: Oh, actually, no. But... I mean, do you call a life without burgers "living"?

KRILLIN: No, Lazuli, I would not.

ANDROID 18: Wait... How do you know my real name?

KRILLIN: Oh my god, did I not tell you about the time I killed Cell?

ANDROID 18: Wait, I thought that was Goku's kid.

KRILLIN: Yeah, but also, you're gonna love this, by the way.

(The camera cuts to outside, revealing the burger place is called "Jaco's Burgers")

KRILLIN: So me and Trunks... a future guy... So we go searching for Gero's sub-lab, rught?

ANDROID 18: Ugh, of course that creep had a sub-lab.

(The ending still shows Krillin and Android 18 flying together, with Krillin having dropped his drink.)