This is the transcript for Android Date-Teen, the third episode of Dragon ShortZ.
Transcript[]
(Dragon Shortz Intro. Cut to an outside view of L'Anus Serré.)
ANDROID 18: So... I won't lie, this is the first time I've ever gone on a date with someone AFTER banging them.
(Cut to inside the restaurant. Android 18 and Krillin are seated at a table)
KRILLIN: (laughs) Well, last time I went on a date, I, uh... (sotto voice) definitely got screwed afterwards.
ANDROID 18: Oof. Sounds rough.
KRILLIN: Ehh, if I've learned anything in life, it's that you take the good with the bad. I'm just glad I could take YOU out tonight. You wouldn't believe it, but I've actually had this reservation for... a while?
ANDROID 18: Place seems pretty upscale. Don't tell me... four dollar signs on Yelp?
KRILLIN: Yep. And I budgeted for the menu. I have exactly enough for two drinks, two entrees, and either an appetizer or dessert.
ANDROID 18: Hey, don't sweat your bank account man. I'm mad liquid.
KRILLIN: Seriously?
ANDROID 18: (laughs) No! When Dr. Gero kidnapped me, I had sixteen hundred zeni, a joint, and a Spencer's gift card in my wallet.
KRILLIN: Oh, my God!
ANDROID 18: Oh, shit, was that oversharing?
KRILLIN: No! I'm just sorry that happened to you.
ANDROID 18: Hey, if it never did, I wouldn't have met you. Also, I wouldn't be able to bench press a literal building, so... good with the bad.
(The waiter, Samuel, walks up)
SAMUEL: Good evening. I'm Samuel, and I'll be your server for tonight. (puts a menu on the table) Here's the drink menu, and let me start you off with some water. Sparkling or still?
ANDROID 18: I'll take sparkling.
KRILLIN: Ooh, sparkling. I'll take--
SAMUEL: (interrupting Krillin) Wonderful! I'll be back soon. In the meantime, definitely take a look at those appetizers. I suggest the clams. They go down smooth. (walks away)
KRILLIN: I was never into clams myself.
ANDROID 18: You definitely don't seem like a shellfish guy.
KRILLIN: ...Was that a PUN?
ANDROID 18: No, you're right, you do look like a shrimp.
KRILLIN: Oh, my God!
ANDROID 18: Sorry, but it was right there.
KRILLIN: Honestly, I was not expecting this sense of humor.
ANDROID 18: Why, 'cause I'm a half-robot?
KRILLIN: No, because you're a skinny blonde!
ANDROID 18: Oh, DAMN!
KRILLIN: Oh, yeah, being half-Terminator definitely played a part.
ANDROID 18: Well then, how about when we get back to the house, I'll make you my... Sarah Connor?
KRILLIN: That is, uh... oddly arousing.
ANDROID 18: I thought about saying "John Connor," but--
KRILLIN: Right? No.
ANDROID 18: Right? Yeah.
(Samuel returns)
SAMUEL: Hey, there. Have we had a chance to look at the menu?
KRILLIN: Oh, maybe we should do dessert over apps. 'cause this white chocolate souffle sounds amazing!
(Krillin continues to talk offscreen as Samuel turns his attention to Android 18.)
Krillin: (You know what, could we get the regular chocolate because I'm really not fan of white chocolate. Like it's not really chocolate, right? It's just extra sugar without any of the health benefits...)
SAMUEL: You know, we actually have a special today: tornado rossini on dried fruit brioche with Madero wine sauce, (flips out a piece of paper, which she puts in front of 18) and my number.
KRILLIN: ...And honestly we already have white chocolate, and it's CALLED vanilla! (lowers the menu and sees what's going on) Um... something happening--?
ANDROID 18: Just a sec. (to Samuel) So, you serious?
SAMUEL: Dead serious. I get off at ten, and then I can get you off at 10:30.
KRILLIN: What is he--?
ANDROID 18: (stands up) Alright, Sammy, three things. First, you wouldn't make it past 10:05. Second, you wouldn't live past 10:06. Third, we're still waiting on our waters. So if you value your job and/or life, you're gonna take this knife, (picks up a knife and holds it to Samuel's throat) cut the bullshit, and get us our goddamn Pallegrino.
KRILLIN: HOLY SH--
SAMUEL: (pulls back) SHIT-- Okay, fine. Could have just said no. God, don't need to be a monster bitch about it...
KRILLIN: (angry) EXCUSE YOU? (stands up) I'm going to give you FIVE SECONDS to apologize for what you just said.
SAMUEL: Or what, midget? You gonna headbutt me in my ju-?
(Krillin raises a fist, then swings it down gently, completely smashing the table)
KRILLIN: APOLOGIZE.
SAMUEL: (stammers in fear) Ah-I-I'M SO SORRY! I-I-I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!
KRILLIN: Oh, um...
Samuel: GUH?
KRILLIN: (hands Samuel a handful of zeni) For the table.
ANDROID 18: And here's your 20%, dickhead! (throws her Spencer's gift card at Samuel)
(Android 18 and Krillin walk out of the restaurant)
SAMUEL: (weakly) This is expired.
(Cut to outside the restaurant. Android 18 is smoking her joint.)
KRILLIN: I am so sorry for that.
ANDROID 18: Don't apologize for him, or at all. That was amazing. (offers him the joint)
KRILLIN: I'm good on that. You know, there's a burger place not even a mile away from here. Cheap. Friendly.
ANDROID 18: Christ on a sesame bun, I could go full Terminator on a cheeseburger right now. (flicks away the joint) Let's do it.
KRILLIN: Oh, wait, crap! I just gave all my money away for that table.
ANDROID 18: Don't worry. My treat.
(Cut to inside the burger restaurant. Krillin and Android 18 are eating their burgers)
KRILLIN: So... you need food to survive? Er...
ANDROID 18: Oh, actually, no. But... I mean, do you call a life without burgers "living"?
KRILLIN: No, Lazuli, I would not.
ANDROID 18: Wait... How do you know my real name?
KRILLIN: Oh, my God, did I not tell you about the time I killed Cell?
ANDROID 18: Wait, I thought that was Goku's kid.
KRILLIN: Uh yeah, but also, you're gonna love this, by the way.
(The camera cuts to outside, revealing the burger place is called "Jaco's Burgers")
KRILLIN: So me and Trunks... uh, future guy. So we go searching for Gero's sub-lab, right?
ANDROID 18: Ugh, of course that creep had a sub-lab.
(The ending still shows Krillin and Android 18 flying together, with Krillin having dropped his drink.)
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