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KAISERNEKO: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(cut to Goku inside a cave holding Gohan)

GOKU: It's okay, Gohan. You're safe. Now go to sleep, and in the morning, Santa will have brought all of your presents. And by presents, I mean books.

GOHAN: D-dang it. (passes out)

TURLES: Savor this moment, Kakarrot. It will be the last one you ever have with your son!

GOKU: Guh! He knows my Saiyan name... So you... must be Vegeta!

TURLES: Wait, you think I'm--

GOKU: Silly Vegeta, it's not Halloween; it's Christmas! Take that costume off!

TURLES: I'm not Vegeta. I'm just another Saiyan who escaped the destruction of our planet.

GOKU: Ohhhhh. (thinking) Man, that means he's evil me! Only he doesn't have a goatee. I'm gonna imagine one! (a goatee appears on Turles' face) So evil!

(Turles groans in annoyance and then cuts to him and Goku now outside on the Christmas Tree of Might)

GOKU: Now it's just down to you and me.

TURLES: Yes, me and you. Oh, and my five Misfit Minions.

GOKU: But...what about my friends?

SLAY: We all had eggnog and Christmas fudge.

GOKU: Really?

REESE: Nope! Wasted them like figgy pudding.

GOKU: YOU NEVER WASTE FIGGY PUDDING!!! (attacks the Misfit Minion, knocking all of them out)

S.N.O.W.: (as he gets hit) DROID.

GOKU: ...Did I just smash the Krampus?

TURLES: This has gone on long enough! You don't even understand why I'm here, do you?

GOKU: All I heard was, "Look at me! I hate Christmas, because I'm a big jerk!"

TURLES: And who wouldn't be a big jerk after the injustices I suffered? On planet Vegeta, we heard about all the other planets that Santa would visit. We heard of the joy he brought children! Of the presents! Of the merriment! THAT I WAS DENIED! Planet Vegeta never got Christmas. No, all we got was Freeza Day!

GOKU: Well, what'd you get for Freeza Day?

TURLES: He blew our planet up!

GOKU: Well, that's sad... But I still can't let you steal the joy from Earth!

(a ding sound is heard from inside Tree of Might)

TURLES: Hold that thought; Tree's done. (takes a fruit from the Tree of Might)

GOKU: ...What?

TURLES: See, this fruit holds all the joy from Earth. When I eat it, I will gain Earth's joy!

GOKU: Why are you so evil?!

TURLES: Deal with it.

NARRATOR: Turles ate of the fruit, and so they say, his power level grew three sizes that day.

(Turles takes a bite from the fruit and bulks up, crushing what's left of the fruit)

GOKU: (thinking) That's not good...! (gets pummeled by Turles, which ends with Turles stomping on his head)

TURLES: Now, denounce your faith!

GOKU: N-no!

TURLES: Denounce your faith in Santa Claus!

GOKU: Never!

TURLES: Well then... Bah Humbug. (fires multiple blasts at Goku, who screams in pain)

TURLES: Well, now that that's over, time to plan a bitchin' New Year's party! (starts flying away)

GOKU: (thinking) N-no... Christmas can't be ruined...! Must...summon!

???: Goku, it is I, the anointed saint. The spreader of love and peace.

GOKU: Oh, wow, it's...

SANTA: Yes, it is I, Santa. (Goku gets up and gasps) You must defeat him, Goku; you are the one who can.

GOKU: (thinking) But he's got all of Earth's joy. He's too powerful.

SANTA: No, Goku. The joy is within your heart.

GOKU: *gasps* You're right! (raises both hands in the sky)

SANTA: Now kick his ass to the North Pole and back!

GOKU: Yes, Santa!

TURLES: (while calculating Goku's power level with his scouter) What the hell? What is this sudden burst of joy?

GOKU: This is Christmas, melon farmer! (hurls the Spirit Bomb at Turles, who gets engulfed in the blast)

TURLES: (thinking)! (yells as he dies along with the tree getting destroyed, which showers the Earth with yellow snow)

MAN: Look! It's snowing!

WOMAN:'s yellow.

("Let it Snow" starts playing as the animals in the forest start to get back up on their feet)

GOKU: (thinking) It's too bad that Turles was such a Scrooge. We would have happily shared our Christmas with him.

SANTA: You know... The sad part is, I always tried to visit Planet Vegeta. Problem was, they kept trying to shoot down my sleigh.

GOKU: (thinking) Bummer.

SANTA: Now, I'm off to deliver my presents. But thank you...for saving Christmas!

GOKU: Anytime, Santa! Bye!

SANTA: Ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Hoooo, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, hooo!

GOKU: (thinking) Wait a second... If that guy wasn't Vegeta, where is Vegeta?

(cut to Vegeta on Planet Namek)

VEGETA: This is so non-canon it hurts.

GHOST NAPPA: Vegeta... Tonight you will be haunted by three ghoooosts! (appears) And they're all me. (two more Ghost Nappas appear)


VEGETA: Goddamm it, I hate Christmas.

(ending credits roll with what the characters got for Christmas)