(Along Snake Way, the remains of King Kai's planet are seen. Pan down below the clouds and a yellow car speeds by. Bojack is looking out the window.)
BOJACK: I spy with me dead eye...
(Cut to the other window, which Cell is leaning out of.)
BOJACK: ...something... yellow!
CELL: Is it the clouds?
BOJACK: Aye! But which one?
CELL: Are we there yet!?
(Cut to a full shot of the back seat to reveal Raditz being squished between Cell and Bojack.)
RADITZ: Soon, please!
(Cut to King Cold in the driver seat. Cooler is in the passenger seat)
KING COLD: My sincerest apologies for the tight fit. This is as big as they make them. You know I had to have this one imported?
RADITZ: How do you even-
KING COLD: And here we are!
(The car stops at a new cul-de-sac.)
KING COLD: Welcome, gentlemen, to Neighborhood Beta!
(An alternate version of the HFIL Intro plays.)
(Everyone now stands outside the car.)
CELL: Wait, Neighborhood Beta? Doesn't that make you all Beta Males?
BOJACK: (deep gasp as a massive smile forms across his face) YARHARHARHARHAR! ARHARHARHARHAR! ARHARHARHARHARHAR!
RADITZ: (over Bojack's laughing) Wow, he's... really into that.
CELL: (over Bojack's laughing) This is way worse than if it just bombed.
(A short, red ogre in a yellow hoodie approaches King Cold.)
OGRE: He-hey, Ice-Man! You're finally back.
KING COLD: Indeed I am. Now refrain from calling me that.
OGRE: Yes sir, Snow Bro! Oh, he-hey! You brought friends! Hi there, name's Psych! And I'm your Beta Counsellor.
RADITZ: Raditz.
CELL: Cell.
PSYCH: Cell, huh? Well, consider me sold!
RADITZ: (snickers)
CELL: (snickering while elbowing Raditz) Don't give him that.
KNIG COLD: Now, I've some business to attend to. Psych, if you wouldn't mind - and I'm sure you don't because it's your job - please give them a tour around the neighborhood. Bojack, Cooler, make sure they feel at home.
CELL: So, Coolio! Where's your house?
(Cooelr walks away.)
CELL: Ah, o-okay.
(Cut to the group in front of a pirate ship.)
PSYCH: Alright, here's where you'll be staying. So you can put your stuff here.
RADITZ: We were supposed to bring stuff?
CELL: Okay, so, I knew it was going to be a pirate ship...
BOJACK: (deflated) Surprise!
CELL: But why is there...
(Pan to...)
CELL: A SECOND PIRATE SHIP!?
(Zangya pops up from the second pirate ship.)
ZANGYA: Bojack! Ya bilge-sucking blighter! Ya dare to show your face back here after what ye did!?
CELL: Oh, God, there's two of y-
(Bojack is no longer with the group.)
CELL: Huh?
(Bojack is now on his pirate ship.)
BOJACK: Zangya, ya strumpet! I did what I did for the sake of the crew!
ZANGYA: I was the crew ya traitorous cur! Now kiss me dungbie!
(Zangya's cannon fires.)
BOJACK: I'll render ye to flotsam, ya second rate coxswain!
(Bojack fires his cannon, and both ships continue firing at each other.)
RADITZ: Uh, are those things...
PSYCH: Loaded? Nah, that'd be way too dangerous. It's all just powder and-
(Raditz gets hit by a red object and launched through the side of one of the ships.)
RADITZ: Gah!
(Psych and Cell look into the wreckage where Raditz's arm stick out of a pile of dodgeballs.)
PSYCH: Aw, dang. They found the Volkerballs. That means dodgeball.
CELL: I'm aware.
(Cut to Cell, Raditz, and Psych standing in front of a fountain.)
PSYCH: And here is our park.
CELL: Oh my god, they have a park!
RADITZ: All we have is the Ginyus' backyard. And it's littered with Shasta cans.
(Raditz notices Lord Slug running.)
RADITZ: Wait a sec, is that The guy that killed me?
CELL: Oh my god, they have a Namekian!
PSYCH: Yo, what up slugbug?
LORD SLUG: What do you want? I'm on my 87th lap.
CELL: Are you working out? Can we get fat? Is that why our Namekian is fat?
LORD SLUG: Here if I know, but I won't be the first to find out.
(Lord Slug continues his run.)
CELL: I wonder if he knows Guru?
PSYCH: And over here is our amp-i-theatre!
(Cooler's Armored Squadron is on the stage. Sauza is wearing a beret with a rolled-up script in his hand.)
SAUZA: Neiz, (speaks French). If you miss your mark again, I will find a way to bring you back to life just to kill you again!
CELL: F**k are these guys?
PSYCH: Cooler's Armored Squadron. Or the CAS for short. They're rehearsing for their stage adaptation of Skygina 2.
CELL: Skygina 2?
PSYCH: We only allow bad sequels.
NEIZ: (Speaks unintelligible gibberish) penis.
DORE: Oi! How do you know that?
(Neiz smirks.)
RADITZ: Can you believe this? They are butchering a Juan Sanchez cult classic.
CELL: You're serious?
RADITZ: Oh, yeah, not a lot of people know that he got removed from the credits. Might be for the best, though. It bombed hard. People just didn't understand that Kochin was an allegory.
CELL: An allegory for what?
RADITZ: (suddenly has popcorn) See? You just don't get it.
DORE: What the hell, man!?
NEIZ: (Speaks unintelligible gibberish.)
CELL: Ha! Okay.
(Raditz sees Turles.)
RADITZ: No...
DORE: (off-screen) You're thinking of baking!
NEIZ: (Off-screen, speaks unintelligible gibberish)
(Raditz hands his popcorn to Cell as he approaches Turles.)
RADITZ: Kakarot?
(Broly jumps into frame.)
BROLY: Who said that!? Who said it!? Who said the name!?
(Broly starts hyperventilating.)
TURLES: Broly! Hey! Hey, come on, man. It's okay.
BROLY: Someone said the name!
TURLES: Nobody said the name. Nobody would dare.
BROLY: But I... I heard it.
TURLES: It's okay. You're okay. Look! I got us the popcorn.
BROLY: Is there butter?
TURLES: You know they only give us nutritional yeast.
BROLY: Yeeeeeast...
(Raditz looks stunned.)
PSYCH: Oh hey, there you are Raddict!
RADITZ: W-w-w-wait. Are you using a nickname or just mispronouncing "Raditz"?
PSYCH: That's your name? I'm Psych! Anyway, we've got one more stop.
CELL: Oh hey, where'd you get off to?
RADITZ: Nowhere, I just... thought I saw someone I knew.
CELL: Well, the play's pretty great. Can't understand a damn thing the green guy's saying, but he moves his arms a lot, so that's fun.
(Cut to a factory.)
PSYCH: And here we are! The Factory! This is where the MCMs help make the handrails for Snake Way.
RADITZ: F**king finally!
PSYCH: We've already produced at least six thousand miles!
RADITZ: What's that in space-lometers?
CELL: No, f**k you, just say kilometers!
PSYCH: Whoa, whoa! Unalive-ometers! Too many people down here have been K-worded. Be better.
(Cell exhales in frustration. Raditz notices a door with a sign on it.)
RADITZ: Uh, hey. What's in there?
PSYCH: Wouldn't know. See? It says "No ogres allowed".
CELL: And you never question authority?
PSYCH: I don't even listen to authority, man. So I wouldn't know what to ask. Anyway, that's the tour. Good night!
(The lights shut off.)
CELL: Oh, what the fu-
(Cut to inside Bojack's ship at night. Raditz lies awake on a hammock. Bojack is asleep on a hammock above him.)
BOJACK: (snore) Yohohohohohoho "(snore) Yohohohohohoho (snore)
(Raditz gets up and sneaks outside. Cut to the deck of the ship. As Raditz sneaks away, he bumps into Cell.)
RADITZ: What are you doing up?
CELL: How could I sleep? His snoring literally woke the dead. Why? Is me being here a problem?
RADITZ: (sigh) There's something suspicious about that locked door at the factory. I want to investigate.
CELL: Hmm. Sounds better than standing outside all night. I'm in.
RADITZ: Are you sure you can keep quiet?
CELL: Hmm, hold on a second.
(Cell pulls out a squeeze bottle of oil and squeezes it into his feet. The usual sound his feet make stops.)
CELL: We're good. Let's go.
(Cut to a shot of the cul-de-sac. Cell jumps a fence. Cell and Raditz begin sneaking by a house, where the CAS can be heard inside.)
DORE: Ah, another fine meal, Sauza!
(Cut to inside the house.)
SAUZA: What can I say? Things taste better when you don't boil the shit out of them.
DORE: Well, guess all that's left is the dishes.
NEIZ: (Speaks unintelligible gibberish)
DORE: Uh-huh.
NEIZ: (sigh) (looking at the chore wheel) (Speaks unintelligible gibberish)
(Cut back to outside.)
CELL: Huh.
(Raditz climbs the fence and Cell follows shortly after. Raditz motions towards the house they are now by. Cut to inside the house where Lord Slug is upside down doing splits on a stack of bricks and crunching with a large barbell.)
LORD SLUG: Stay... young... forever... forever...
(Cut to outside. Lord Slug can still be heard repeating the word "Forever".)
CELL: Okay, he knows we don't age down here, right?
RADITZ: Yeah, but young is just a state of mind.
CELL: Hmm. Good thing he's not doing chin-ups, he'd never make it over the bar. Y'know, 'cause he's got bi-
(Raditz walks away.)
CELL: Raditz. Raditz! It's because he's got a big chin!
(Cut to outside another house. Cell and Raditz look inside to see Turles and Broly watching Skygina 2.)
MR. SATAN: (on the TV) That's right, Dr. Brain Man! I am the world's mightiest!
TURLES: You know what? You're right. It might be four hours long, but the Sanchez cut is way better.
BROLY: Told you.
(Cut to a shot looking out through the window.)
RADITZ: Man.
CELL: What?
RADITZ: The guy on the left. He just looks so much like Kakarot.
CELL: (as Raditz says "Kakarot") Goku.
(Cell stares at Raditz.)
CELL: Oh my god, you're Goku's brother!
RADITZ: Would you shut the here up!
(Cut to outside. Broly opens the window. Raditz's hair can just be seen next to the house.)
BROLY: Who's out there? Is that you Neiz? You little fu- you little creep? You little f**king creep? What did I tell you, Neiz? I told you if I caught you spying again, I would f**k you up! I will f**k! You! Up! I will crush you like I crushed my dad, who is actually a misunderstood but genuinely well-meaning guy, and that's why he's not here. I don't know why I'm saying this right now, as I've already said it in group half a dozen times, but if I see you out here again, I'll fist you to the shoulder! Okay, good night.
(Broly closes the window. Raditz comes out from around the corner while Cell jumps down from the roof.)
CELL: You're Goku's brother!
RADITZ: Why does everybody down here know him?
CELL: 'Cause he's an asshole!
RADITZ: You cannot tell anyone, okay? Especially Freeza. Things are already bad enough for me down here as it is, but if he catches wind, my afterlife will be a living...
CELL: You were gonna say hell.
RADITZ: Just promise me you won't tell anyone.
CELL: Okay, geez, I promise. You're secret's safe with me. But seriously, your brother sucks. And your nephew? Even worse.
RADITZ: Yeah, I know, he broke like five of my ribs.
CELL: Pissy little bastard, right?
(Cut to outside another house. Cell and Raditz sneak up to it. Inside they hear Cooler.)
COOLER: So you're sure it's going to be ready in time?
(Cut to inside the house where King Cold is talking to Cooler.)
KING COLD: You know, if you'd spend less time questioning my orders and more time following them, you might still be alive right now.
COOLER: You're just lucky that ogre's too fried to question what you've been up to.
KING COLD: No, I'm lucky King Yemma's a nepotist and I'm cunning enough to use that to my advantage. Something I thought you'd pick up by now.
(Cut back to outside.)
CELL: Wow, they were holding back at dinner.
RADITZ: See? I told you they're up to something.
CELL: I'm dangerously close to understanding Freeza right now.
(Cut to outside the factory. Cell and Raditz sneak up. Raditz opens the door.)
RADITZ: It was unlocked.
CELL: Probably didn't feel like they had to guard the rails, hm?
(They approach the door with the sign. Raditz attempts to open the door, but it is locked.)
RADITZ: Yeah, that makes sense.
CELL: So what now, Batman?
RADITZ: Don't know what that is. Just keep a look out. I've got something for this.
(Raditz pulls a clip out of his hair and places it into the lock.)
CELL: Wait, you know how to lockpick?
RADITZ: Well, I was the first one down here, so I had a lot of free time.
CELL: So you learned how to lockpick?
RADITZ: I learned a lot of things.
CELL: Okay, but like, did you learn to bake first, or did you just jump straight to burglary?
RADITZ: I'm in.
(They open the door and head down the stairs. Raditz turns on the lights to reveal a lab. The shot focuses on a desk with folders on it that Raditz and Cell are stood nearby.)
CELL: What's with all the doodads?
RADITZ: More like thingamabobs.
CELL: Maybe doohickeys?
(Raditz notices the folders on the desk. He picks up a folder labelled "Operation: Cold Feet". The other folder still on the desk is labelled "MCMs".)
RADITZ: This might tell us something. Operation Cold Feet? (opens the folder) What's this whatchamacallit?
(King Cold emerges behind them.)
KING COLD: Admiring my thingamajigs!
RADITZ: Ah!
KING COLD: Well, aren't you a curious George?
CELL: Wow, that is adorably racist!
RADITZ: What is all this?
KING COLD: (takes the folder) Oh, this? It's just a little surprise that I've been cooking up for the Hell Games. One I'd rather not be spoiled for the ogres.
RADITZ: A... pleasant surprise?
KING COLD: Well, at this point it's up to you! But who knows? Play your cards right, (winks at Cell) and you might just be out of here before you know it. But for now, it's past curfew, and we have a long trip back tomorrow.
(Cut back to Bojack's ship.)
CELL: Well, that was eventful. Hey, so do you think he was hitting on me, or was he just being cryptically evil?
RADITZ: I don't know, but maybe this will shed some light on it.
(Raditz pulls the Operation Cold Feet folder out of his hair)
CELL: Oh, when'd you snatch that?
RADITZ: I swiped it off his desk when he looked like he was going to kiss you.
CELL: So you were getting that vibe, too?
(Cut to the two of them reading through the files.)
RADITZ: Looks like it's full of personal notes on everyone down here.
CELL: Hm, what does yours say?
(Raditz turns the page.)
CELL: Oh my god. You really are f**king Dodoria!
(POST-CREDITS SCENE)
(Broly and Turles continue to watch Skygina 2.)
DR. WHEELO: (through the TV) ...witness these atrocities. I need a body...I WILL have a body!
(Behind them, Neiz pokes his head up.)
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