(Exterior shot of Cell, Raditz, and Super Kami Guru's house while an instrumental version of the HFIL theme plays. Cut to inside the house, Raditz and Guru are sitting at a table. Raditz is eating Dripping Sarcasm Snaps! cereal.)
GURU: I heard you sneak out again last night.
RADITZ: No you didn't.
(Cell enters the kitchen)
JEICE: (in the background) Go long, mate!
BURTER: I got it! I got it!
CELL: Hold on, oh, ar-are you eating? Do we need to eat?
RADITZ: No, but it helps pass the time.
CELL: F*ck it, I'm down, where the bowls at?
RADITZ: There in the cupboard, next to the win-
(A frisbee crashes through the window and lodges in Guru's neck)
GURU: I'm hiiiit!
RADITZ: Ah, damn it, glass in my snaps.
(Jeice pops his head up from behind the fence)
JEICE: Oi, sorry mates. Mind bringing that over?
RADITZ: 1 2 3 Not it!
GURU: Not it!
CELL: Not it-not-oh God damn it!
(The frisbee begins sinking into Guru's neck)
RADITZ: Gonna wanna grab that.
(Cell climbs onto Guru to retrieve the frisbee)
(HFIL Intro)
(A shot of the Ginyu Force's front door. A doorbell version of the "Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai!" theme plays. Burter opens the door)
CELL: I've got your shit.
BURTER: Ah, thank you so much. Here, come on in. We'll grab you a Shasta.
CELL: And no good deed goes unpunished.
(Burter drags Cell into the house. As they walk through, Cell notices all the pictures on the wall)
CELL: Ah, not a bad setup you got in here.
BURTER: Yeah, we've been putting in the work. The ogres reward you for good behavior.
CELL: Hm. Wait, hold on, is that a campsite?
(A shot of a picture of a campsite featuring from left to right: Mez, Guldo, Nappa, Raditz (in his Freeza Force armor), Cui, Recoome, Jeice, Burter, and Goz)
BURTER: Yep! Before we showed up, this place was nothing but a big old camp. So, as community service, we built every house in the cul-de-sac. By the way, we've already fixed your window.
CELL: (impressed) Hm. Well, I'll be damned.
BURTER: Ha! We all are.
(Cut to the backyard. The back door opens and Cell and Burter walk out. Recoome immediately puts an arm around Cell's shoulders)
RECOOME: Hey, are you looking to become a pledge?
CELL: I'd rather drink it.
JEICE: Speaking of, would you like Cherry Cola or Very Cherry Twist?
CELL: Listen! (pulling out the frisbee) I just came to give this back. So save the C-tier soda, and-
(Cell is tackled by Captain Ginyu)
CELL: What in the? (notices Ginyu) JESUS CHRIST!
GINYU: Ribbit.
CELL: what the absolute f*ck is that?
JEICE: Aw, you met the Cap'n.
(Ginyu bites Cell while making slobbering noises)
CELL: Get off! Off! Down! Down!
BURTER: Aw, the Captain likes you. He usually doesn't take so well to strangers.
CELL: I'm sorry, what!? Captain!? Ugh-This thing's feral!
BURTER: Yeah, it's a shame. Something happened to him in Namek and he hasn't been the same since.
RECOOME: Recoome believes it was a severe psychological trauma that caused him to regress in order to cope.
GULDO: I think he body-swapped with a frog.
JEICE: Oh, back on this again. So what, Guldo, is the frog evil?
(Guldo shrugs his shoulders and makes an "I-don't-know" sound)
(Exterior shot of Freeza, Zarbon, and Dodoria's house. Inside, Freeza stands in front of a whiteboard, Dodria sits on a sofa, and Zarbon looks out the window)
FREEZA: All right, you two. We need a plan of attack. He's got to have something he's insecure about. Something we can focus on. (thoughtfully) Something we can focus on. Something we can (notices Zarbon staring out the window) Focus!
ZARBON: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. It's just... Cell.
FREEZA: What about him?
ZARBON: He's currently being assaulted by Ginyu.
DODRIA: Nah, he's being topped by Ginyu.
FREEZA: Oh, who hasn't?
(Zarbon and Dodria both raise their hands)
FREEZA: Okay, can we focus!?
(back in the Ginyu Force's backyard, Recoome lifts Ginyu off of Cell)
RECOOME: Come on, Captain. It's time for breakfast.
GINYU: Ribbit.
RECOOME: That's right, Captain. Riveting.
(Cell gets back up)
CELL: (puffing) I'll take that... Very Cherry Twist, please.
(cut to Cell in the cul-de-sac, drinking his Shasta. Goz and Mez are also there in front of two dumpsters, one red and one blue)
GOZ: Now. Ze red one goes out on Tuesdays...
MEZ: Und ze blue one goes out on Vednesdays. Don't get zem mixed up.
GOZ: (opening the red dumpster) Ze red one is for recyclables. (Cell throws his empty Shasta can into the red dumpster) Danke.
MEZ: Und ze blue one is for trash.
(Ginyu pops out of the blue dumpster and jumps onto Cell)
CELL: Oh, son of a bitch!
GOZ: Oh, guten abend, Ginyu!
MEZ: Goodness! He really likes you.
GOZ: Usually doesn't take so vell to strangers.
CELL: This is vore and/or bestiality and I am only into one of those!
BURTER: (poking his head around the corner) Captain! Captain! Oh! (approaches them) Oh, jeez, I am so sorry. He got out again. He's just been so restless these last couple days. Come on big guy, we gotta give you a bath. Recoome! Grab the no tears body wash!
(Cell looks at his hand covered in Ginyu's slobber and makes a disgusted and angry growl)
GOZ: So, as ve vere saying, make sure not to mix zese two up, ja? Ozervise you go to Super Hell.
CELL: You're making that up.
MEZ: Are ve?
(back inside Freeza's house)
FREEZA: Come on, there's got to be something else. Something embarrassing. Something... uncomfortable. Something crude.
DODORIA: His bussy.
FREEZA: ...What?
ZARBON: I believe she's referring to the hole in the tail on his back.
DODORIA: Yeah. His bussy.
FREEZA: ...Zarbon write that down.
(cut to Cell's bathroom where he is brushing his teeth while humming to himself. In the mirror we see Ginyu T-pose past the slightly open door. Cell notices too and turns around just as Ginyu speeds away. Cell finishes brushing his teeth. Cut to Cell's bedroom where he is reading a book in bed, again humming to himself. Ginyu slowly rises up from the foot of the bed. Cell senses him and looks just as Ginyu speeds downwards again.)
CELL: Ugh.
(Cell turns off the light and lays down. Cut to a POV of Cell as he begins to go to sleep. His eyes close a few times, before on the final time, they open again to reveal Ginyu perched over Cell)
CELL: ...Hey there?
GINYU: Ribbit.
CELL: Who's a good frog? Dog? Captain?
GINYU: Ribbit.
CELL: Yes, yes, it is you. So you're going to let me turn on that light and-
(Ginyu bites Cell. Cut to Raditz sneaking out through the window)
CELL: (in the background) AH! Hold on, hold on, no, no, no, no, no, no! Raditz! Super Kami Guru! I need help! I need assistance! (cut to Cell's window where a silhouette of what's happening can be seen) We have an intruder! We have an intruder! I do not like being on the receiving end of this!
(cut to inside the Ginyu Force's house. Recoome and Burter are playing Marvel vs. Capcom 2 on an arcade machine. Guldo is sitting on the sofa. Jeice is also on the sofa, out of frame. Cell kicks the door open and throws Ginyu inside)
GINYU: Ribbit.
JEICE: (get up from the sofa) Captain! There you are! We were so worried about you!
CELL: GET... YOUR... PET!
JEICE: Captain.
CELL: MASCOT! Under control or I swear to God... (inhale) I'll complain to the ogres and tell them you've been bad neighbors.
RECOOME: Recoome believes this to be a dick move.
GULDO: Narc!
BURTER: And after we fixed your window.
CELL: After you broke it!
JEICE: Mates, he's right. Being a good neighbor is part of the process. And whether or not that's fixing up a window we broke, getting the right bins out on the right day, or keeping our captain pet mascot under control, it's up to us to do right by the other members of our communi-PANTS HIM!
(Guldo is looking for any part of Cell's pants to pull down)
GULDO: Um...
CELL: I don't wear pants.
JEICE: Bit of a freak, i'n't he?
GULDO: This is a nice ass.
CELL: A perfect ass.
BURTER: Funny story, the Captain didn't use to wear pants, either. But after a while, the flopping bits started to get really distracting and-
CELL: KEEP YOUR FROG-DOG AWAY FROM ME!
(Cell leaves, slamming the door behind him. There is a pause)
RECOOME: Recoome kind of misses the floppy bits.
JEICE: Right!?
(Back outside, Cell walks back to his house. Freeza opens up a window and calls out to Cell)
FREEZA: Hey, Ceeell!
CELL: Huh?
FREEZA: How's your bussy!?
CELL: (confused)...WHAT!?
FREEZA: Ha! (closes the window. Cell stares in confusion)
(End Credits)
(POST-CREDIT SCENE)
(Guldo sits on a bench)
GULDO: It's not that I want people to take me seriously all the time. I know my place, I... just wish more people would listen when I have something to say. I want what's best for everyone else, too, y'know. But I also want what's best for me.
(Ginyu pops up from behind the bench, now wearing a collar that says "CAP'N" on it.
GULDO: Thanks Captain. I really needed this. (Ginyu begins licking him). Eh-huh-huh-huh that tickles! No stop. (Ginyu stops licking him. Guldo continues laughing for a bit until) Oh, I miss my wife.
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