(Picking up where the previous episode left off, the MCMs stand in front of the Hell Games arena as King Cold makes his announcement.)
KING COLD: And so I would like to officially announce the first, and hopefully not last, Hell Games!
CELL: Can I sue somebody in hell?
RADITZ: There are enough lawyers.
KING COLD: These games will take place one month from today. But it wouldn't be much of show of teamwork if we pitted you up against each other. So we've decided to make this an inter-HFIL tournament.
FREEZA: (looks shocked) He wouldn't--
KING COLD: And so, in preparation, we'd like to welcome the ambassadors from one of your neighboring HFILs.
(Cooler walks out of the arena behind King Cold)
COOLER: Hello... brother.
BOJACK: (suddenly pops up from behind Cooler) YARR, MATEYS!
FREEZA: Cooler! Father, what is he doing here?
COOLER: Well, I thought the Big Gete Star enabled me to cheat death. However-
FREEZA: Not remotely what I meant!
CELL: And, uh... who is this?
BOJACK: (throws his arm around Cell) MORNIN' TO YE, FULL-POCKETED CURS! ME NAME BE BOJACK! AND I BE HAPPY TO BE AMONGST HEARTYS!
CELL: (elbowing Bojack away) Personal bubble, Jack.
KING COLD: I'm sure everyone has plenty of queries. But you'll all have a chance to ask them over...
(Cut to Goz and Mez's dining room, King Cold at the end of the table, Freeza and Cell on one side, Cooler and Bojack on the other.)
KING COLD: Dinner!
FREEZA: ...It's 10am.
(HFIL INTRO)
(Goz and Mez are now sat at the opposite end of the table from King Cold.)
KING COLD: It just warms my heart that you could find the time in your busy schedules to make this little dinner party happen.
MEZ: (laughs nervously) Not zat ve had much of a choice.
GOZ: You just invited everyone over vizout asking.
KING COLD: And you have just been so accommodating. I've been looking forward to this little family reunion for a while.
FREEZA: If it's a family reunion, then why are they here?
BOJACK: (standing on the table) SO I SAID TO THE MARLIN AS I GRABBED HIM BY THE NECK; YE BE THE ONLY OLD MAN I SEE! YARHARHARHARHARHARHAR!
CELL: How have you even read Hemmingway?
KING COLD: They're here because they are both the newest members of their respective HFILs. As such, I thought it would be nice for them to take part in this little ambassadorship.
BOJACK: Ah, something else we have in common.
CELL: Okay, seriously, who are you?
BOJACK: Ye don't remember me? Ye were the first face I saw after I became... UNBOUND!
(Flashback to King Kai's planet blowing up due to Semi-Perfect Cell. Bojack floats alone in the void.)
BOJACK: YARHARHARHARHAR! AT LAST, AFTER ONE THOUSAND YEARS, I BE FREE! TIME TO CONQUER-
(Cell regenerates behind Bojack.)
CELL: AH! Ah, oh f**k! Oh f**k! Oh, that was so scary! Oh God, I thought I was dead! Oh, I thought I was dead. Am I dead? Oh shit! Oh f**k! Oh...
BOJACK: YAR! Ahoy, bugman! My name be-
CELL: SHUT UP!... I think I can teleport.
(Cell disappears with a popping sound, just like Goku. Bojack looks around.)
BOJACK: Now where be me crew?
(Cut back to the dinner party.)
CELL: Y'know, I still don't know how I learned how to do that.
(Zarbon is now behind Freeza with a jug of wine.)
ZARBON: Here, my lord. Let me fill you.
FREEZA: (holding his empty glass out) Very good.
(Dodoria is now behind Cooler, also with a bottle of wine.)
COOLER: (sighs)
DODORIA: More wine, sir?
COOLER: (snatches the bottle) Yes! (begins chugging)
DODORIA: Uh, I-I'll go get another bottle.
MEZ: You know, ve usually don't allow alcohol.
KING COLD: Goz, Mez, this is a special occasion. Loosen up a little.
ZARBON: Would you like me to loosen you up?
GOZ: Okay, you are backsliding.
ZARBON: Whose back am I sliding into?
(Mez angrily points Zarbon away. Zarbon sadly walks off.)
KING COLD: While we wait for the appetizers, how about we break some ice? Goz? Mez? Speak.
MEZ: You know, ehehe, um- y- um-
GOZ: Uh, Halloveen is coming up!
MEZ: Oh, j-j-ja ja, it is our favorite holiday. I can't vait to throw our annual costume contest!
FREEZA: Ah, Halloween. The basic bitch holiday. Now, Freeza Day...
COOLER: Here we go...
FREEZA: Oh, please, what's Cooler's favorite holiday?
COOLER: Boxing Day. When I can celebrate not having to hear about you for another Yemma-forsaken year.
KING COLD: I've always been partial to Spacegiving. It's all about family.
CELL: Please tell me that isn't just just Thanksgiving-
KING COLD: -In space, yes.
CELL: (groans and plants his face into the table. Lifts his glass) Top me, Zarbon.
ZARBON: (off-screen) Mhmhmhmhmhm.
BOJACK: What about ye, Cell? I think ye'd like Talk Like A Pirate Day! On that day, I GET TO BE THE ONE CORRECTIN' EVERYONE ELSE! YARHARHARHARHARHAR!
CELL: I don't have a favorite holiday. Holidays are for children.
FREEZA: You mean like the one that killed you?
CELL: (groans)
BOJACK: Yar, ye be scuppered by a sprog as well?
CELL: A sprog?
BOJACK: Ya see, after I found me crew we set space sail for the blue jewel of the Northern Galaxy; Ee-yarth. (A shot of Bojack and his crew from Bojack Unbound is shown) and upon our arrival we found-
(Cut back to the dinner party.)
GULDO: Appetizers!
(Plates of appetizers pop onto the table.)
CELL: Wait, was that Guldo?
KING COLD: Indeed. Who do you think is preparing the meal?
(Cut to the kitchen where Jeice stand over a cutting board.)
JEICE: Oi, Burter! I need those mushrooms in five, ya big blue c**t!
BURTER: You'll have them in four!
JEICE: I said FIVE!
(cut to Recoome at a fry pan.)
JEICE: Recoome! How's the steak coming along?
RECOOME: Recoome has burned the steaks!
JEICE: You f**king space-mule!
(Cut back to Jeice. Guldo appears.)
GULDO: Appetizers have been served, chef!
JEICE: GULDO! Good on ya, mate, you're doing great.
GULDO: Ehehee.
(Cut back to the dining room.)
COOLER: So brother, how's rehab treating you?
FREEZA: If you must know, it's going swimmingly. I've been making great strides.
(Goz and Mez both burst out laughing.)
MEZ: Oh Freeza, zat's hilarious.
GOZ: Und deeply sad.
MEZ: But you really shouldn't lie, it's not good for your progress.
FREEZA: (growls) Well, what about you? I doubt you're suddenly a model citizen.
KING COLD: He could be doing better.
COOLER: (sarcastic) Oh, sorry, father. Not all of us can drop in and immediately sweep management off their feet.
KING COLD: It's fine. I know what to expect.
COOLER: (sarcastic) Oh, how I've missed this.
MEZ: Again. Lying.
COOLER: Sarcasm isn't lying, it's truth some people are too dull to understand.
GOZ: I'm beginning to feel unvelcome in our own home.
BOJACK: Honestly I reckon I be doing pretty well with this portion of me life.
CELL: You're dead.
BOJACK: And yet, I persist.
CELL: I!... have to pee.
KING COLD: Oh, do hurry back.
(Cell leaves.)
COOLER: Careful, father. One might mistake that for actual admiration.
KING COLD: Well, I admit. He does have more potential than some at this table.
FREEZA: I also have to pee!
(Freeza begins leaving)
MEZ: Ah, ve only have ze one lavatory.
GOZ: Ah, zey're both big enough for two.
BOJACK: Ye speak like ye know.
(In the lounge room, Freeza finds Cell.)
FREEZA: Hm? I thought you needed to use the washroom.
CELL: No, I just needed to get away from that guy.
FREEZA: Oh, I know, he's such a prick, right?
CELL: A total prick, so up his own ass.
FREEZA: That condescending tone. And that's coming from me!
CELL: And we get it, you're a fucking pirate.
FREEZA: And he's just so smug about it, and- we're talking about two different people.
CELL: Who are you talking about?
FREEZA: Cooler!
CELL: Right. And he's your... ex?
FREEZA: My brother!
CELL: Again, I don't judge.
FREEZA: Ugh! (storms off)
CELL: Damn it, now I do have to pee. Welp, bushes it is.
(Cut to outside, where Cell finds Raditz smoking.)
CELL: What are you doing out here?
RADITZ: I'm on my break.
CELL: From what?
RADITZ: (shrugs) Eh?
CELL: Fair enough.
(Cut back to the dining room. Freeza has already returned. Cell sits back down.)
KING COLD: Oh, good, you're both back. Now, before the entrees arrive, I actually wanted to discuss the upcoming games with you. I even brought a dossier on the... uh... huh, I can't seem to find my bag. I think I left it at the stadium. Cooler, go fetch that for me.
FREEZA: I would be happty to, father.
KING COLD: No, not you.
FREEZA: Oh.
COOLER: (sigh) Fine. I could use the fresh air. The atmosphere in here is suffocating.
(Cooler leaves.)
BOJACK: Speakin' o' fresh air, I remember takin' me big firstt breath of Ee-yarth.
CELL: So, he seems to hate everyone. What's he about?
FREEZA: Don't act like you care.
KING COLD: Oh, Cooler? He's my first-born. He's always been like that. A real... free-thinker.
FREEZA: Uh, the word you're looking for is "total prick".
KING COLD: (gasp) Freeza, don't be crass!
MEZ: Also, zat's two vords.
CELL: I know how you two ended up here, but how'd he bite it?
FREEZA: In a pathetic attempt to imitate me.
King COLD: Yes, actually. He was felled by the same brute who humiliated my princess.
FREEZA: Father!
CELL: Which one?
FREEZA: F**k you!
KING COLD: Oh, I'm bad with names. Uh... the one who can turn his hair gold.
CELL: Not really narrowing it down.
FREEZA: (growls)
KING COLD: Right, right... Um... The one you killed!
FREEZA: What?
CELL: Again; which one?
FREEZA: WHAT!?
KING COLD: ...Goku! That was his name! Ahahaha. Glad we got that settled.
(Freeza sits stunned.)
BOJACK: So, who wants to hear the tale about how I got punched by a ghost?
(Silence. The room begins to get smoky.)
BOJACK: Aye. The air do be stifling today.
GOZ: (wiping sweat off his forehead) Und actually a little varmer zan usual.
MEZ: Und... (sniffs)... it smells like...
(Jeice bursts through the dorr.)
JEICE: FIRE!!!
(People start screaming.)
BOJACK: ABANDON SHIP!
(Cut to the cul-de-sac. Goz and Mez's house is completely charred.)
RECOOME: Recoome has burned the house!
BURTER: We were making a vodka sauce, but the heat got too high!
JEICE: We are so sorry. Don't worry, we can rebuild the whole thing.
GOZ: But ve lost all our ozherworldly possessions.
MEZ: All zat survived vas zis copy of Caddyshack Zwei.
(Cooler returns with King Cold's bag.)
COOLER: What happened here?
CELL: House burned down.
COOLER: I was gone for five minutes. Well, good luck blaming this one on me.
KING COLD: Perhaps if you had gotten back sooner, this wouldn't have happened.
COOLER: ...Your bag.
KING COLD: Unfortunately, I no longer need it. And now that I'm without a place to stay, I believe our business here is complete.
COOLER: Finally.
KING COLD: However, it wouldn't be much of an ambassadorship if we didn't give two of yours a tour of the other HFIL. And Cell, as the newest member of your community, you are of course invited.
CELL: (sarcastic) Yay, a field trip.
BOJACK: Ye can stay at my place.
CELL: Don't tell me, you live in a pirate ship.
BOJACK: WHO SPOILED THE SURPRISE!?
KING COLD: And of course, the other invite is extended to my darling princes-
FREEZA: No thank you.
KING COLD: ...Pardon?
FREEZA: I... think I've had enough family time for now.
KING COLD: Oh. Well, if that's the case, then it can just be Cell.
RADITZ: I'll go.
CELL & KING COLD: Really?
RADITZ: Yeah. I mean, I've been here since the first tent popped up, and I've never seen the other HFILs, so...
KING COLD: Oh. The oldest member and the newest member. I like it. Well, pack your bags, gentlemen. You're both going to Hell!... The other one.
GOZ: Try not to set any unnecessary...
(The front of Goz and Mez's burned house collapses, leaving nothing but a pile of debris.)
MEZ: ...Fires.
(POST-CREDITS SCENE)
(Raditz puts out his cigarette before noticing Cooler going behind Raditz's garage.)
RADITZ: Huh?
(Raditz follows but finds the garage completely empty.)
RADITZ: What? Where did he go?... And where's Guru?
(Cut to the Hell Games arena. Guru is sat on the top step.)
GURU: Those bastards left me here! Fine, I'll just get back on my own!
(Guru starts rocking back and forth, but goes too far and starts rolling down the stairs.)
GURU: No, no, no, no, Naaaaaaaaaaaail!
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